Grieving

 Recently, my family loss a beloved member and a cousin to me. That news of his passing brought back memories of 6 years ago when Nancy and I loss our oldest son. But even more so, a huge loss to his wife and daughter. I believe they are still struggling with their grief and trying to fill that hole in their lives.

To me, there is nothing fun about going to a funeral, whether you know the person or not. I think I would rather get teeth pulled than to go to a funeral.  And even if you don't know the person, I feel I should still grieve for them. Over the years, I have gone to TOO many funerals for friends, relatives, co-workers, so that I could somehow support the family. 

Experts say there are 7 levels of grief, but I disagree. I feel only one and that is PAIN. If I cut myself, the pain will eventually go away. But the death of a loved one will never go away. The pain will somewhat decrease over time, but the hurt is still there. But like a cut, you will always have a scar. The trick is to not hide the scar with more scars, but to become stronger from it. Even after many years of losing my parents, I still feel I should call them and just say "Hi'. I may not call them, but when I am alone in the car, I may talk to them. It looks like I am talking on my hands-free phone, and no one knows, until now.

I saw a show this morning where a man hung an old rotary dial phone on a tree in a beautiful forest so people could make a call to their passed relatives, friend or someone that no longer alive. People say it actually helps with their grief. Maybe calling an old answering machine to hear their loved one's voice, or seeing a video of them, or smelling a piece of clothing, brings back a feeling of loving memories you have.

To me, I want to remember that person as they were before the disease, or illness, or tragedy took them away. Laughing, smiling, hugging you, kidding around, and all the good things that were the essence of that person.

The person you love is not gone. Maybe in the physical sense, but they will ALWAYS be in your heart and in your memories. Cherish that as you cherish your living loved ones. Take care.