Way back, in December 2008, I posted my first blog. It was about an old Ford I turned into a beautiful custom car. I am not bragging, just saying. It had been a long spell since my last book I published and six years since I retired from the fire department. I had just sold my woodworking business and decided to restore and build cars as a break from actually working. Something I had a passion are all my life. You know, just having fun? And also, a few months from losing our oldest son. For a time I felt really lost and had a hard time feeling almost anything. Some pretty crazy thoughts came into my screwed up brain, which none were acted upon. I believe writing helped me release some of those thoughts and I realized, I was not as alone as I thought. There were others out there who were having those same, and even crazier, thoughts too. Maybe it was because I did not have a 'JOB' to do, or a reason to get up and go do something I liked. Not necessarily work to be paid for, like a store, plant or office job. Just a purpose in life. Heck, I finally realized I had been working since I was 8 years old, picking cotton in Alabama. Then selling newspapers on a windy corner in Cincinnati, working in a drug store through out middle and high school, and then into the Air Force for 6 years.
I believe, all that time, I was looking for I was really meant to do and be, for me, and not copy what my parents did, or what people said I should do to be successful in life. I wanted to do something for ME. Of course making money was pretty important too, but loving my work and feeling a proud accomplishment in the finished product was what I was after. Like a small child feels when they run to you to show their crayon drawn picture they are so proud of. I believe (whether anyone ever reads this or not) writing this blog helps me see my proud accomplishments, and believe me, I am not stopping. Does all of this make sense to you?
But there are many people out there who are still in that dark place with no focus, feeling lost not only in their job, but in life itself. People who boast about their accomplishments, while deep down inside they don't really feel that great about it. I guess it is a effort the raise their self image, or trying to impress someone.
While I was on the fire department as a new firefighter, I found as I would rove from one station to another each shift, I would have to prove myself to the regularly assigned firefighters at that station. This went on for several years until I built up a reputation as a solid firefighter. But now I think that is a common occurrence or trait no matter what job you have. So we have to find our place with others, AND in ourselves. Of course God did not give us an instruction manual for that, so we have to make it up as we go and hope it works. I think mine did.
Life is a mountain, and we all have to climb it. We will fall and sometime slide backwards, but we have to get up and keep climbing. I read somewhere, you have to fail 100 times before you get to your goal and be good at it. But I guess that goal is you have to feel good about yourself and never, NEVER give up on that goal. Keep it in the cross hairs of your focus.
I deeply appreciate you reading my ramblings and truly hope you are in a good place in life. As someone said, "Life is a bitch." But I believe you are strong enough to handle it. Take care and stay safe.
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