Sunday, March 23, 2025

My changes

 Before I type anymore, I want to tell you it is nothing bad, but yet the describe more about this journey which I am traveling and how you play a part it.

After being delayed a week with my treatment of chemo, because of a low platelet count, last Wednesday the count was up to where they should be...well barely. So another 3 hour sit, watch a movie on my tablet and come home with a pump on my hip for 48 hours. Still no much in symptoms except cold sensitivity, and maybe a slight lose of feeling to touch in my fingertips. Now a week off and go through the whole thing again, and again until this thing is gone. I got this.

But there are other changes going on too. Since I am leary of being away from home too long, doing things I never thought twice about, like suddenly becoming fatigued or wobbly or just out of sores. But still I go on. None of this scares me, but afraid to be embarrassed in front of people, or embarrass them. I think, "This is crazy Harrold, just do it. Cancer is NOT a death diagnosis. I Will get through these times and life WILL get back to my normal." I don't look for sympathy or pity or coddling. I just want to be understood life throws all kinds of speed bumper at you  during your time on earth, and you, I must deal with them as strong as you can and keep on going. My father never wanted me to cry, and it very hard for me even today. But I must admit I do get chocked up at times about certain types and occasionally leak a tear or two. I believe it is perfectly fair to release those emotions, whether they are in a sad or happy times. But not in anger.

I have experienced several changes in my physical body, my emotions, my thoughts and my reflections of life in general, past and present. Maybe it is just I have found my inner consciousness that has come to me finally. I don't know. I DO know I am more aware of things, people and the world more now than I did before. Or it  just I have more spare time to think. Maybe all of the above.

There are some things I really enjoy and cherish. I love to see a new babies, their tiny little feet and hands. It beings a smile to my face. I love it when I talk to my dog and he stares in my eyes as if he is reading my mind. It is calming to me and I believe my dog too. I love it when I see a friend as they hold out their hand to be shaken and it develops into a hug. I love when my grandkids ask me for advise, or help on something that is very special to them. I really like people that do not react to something that is totally ridiculousness, without proof or truth checking it first.  And unfortunately there are many people out there that DO react in a radical way. Those types I try VERY HARD to stay away from. Everyone has options, whether the meet with my standards or not, they are theirs. And be respected as such without an argument erupting. 

I also absolutely love that you read my babblings about all sorts of stuff I am going through, thoughts and obversions in my life. I honestly did not intend this blog to go in this direction. I initially intended to tell  and show you about our trips and family, but you know one thing turns into another so here we are. I WILL continue posting photos, and stories about our trips and fun things but sometimes I get the urge to inject something I feel very strong about. Excuse me for that.

Again I truly appreciate your readership and comments you leave. Thank you. I get absolutely nothing for your readership except you listen and sometimes appreciate the things I write

 For now, Take care, spread love not hate and stay safe.



2 comments:

  1. I love you, Cuz. Thank you for sharing your fortitude, courage, and grace.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love your posts and to be with you through your words on this journey. I do keep you in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete