How many of you have a STRONG close relationship with your parents? Or is it a relationship that is just out of respect? Maybe you have a closer relationship with a friend than your parent/s. I am sure you may not want to admit it to the general public. Depending on what generation you belong to, relations can be quite different. Was your relation a huggy, warm and fuzzy relation, or one that you respected them but really did not want to spend more than a few days together?
As a very wise person put it, "You can pick your friends, but you have no choose in the matter of who your parents are." I have friends who say, "My parents are SO cool." And others say, "My parents are two stick-in-the-muds."
Relationships are built on relating to each other. Being interested in the others thoughts, hobbies, likes and dislikes, style of clothes, sports, and just being able to talk without criticism or judging. Heck, everyone has opinions on things. We may not be able to agree on what is what, but hearing them out without being a critic, understanding their point of view, with maybe a little debate is OK.
I will have to admit, when my oldest son was growing up, I grounded him for something he did. I had told him, Never lie to me. So when I grounded him he said, "So it doesn't matter if I lie or tell the true, I still get grounded?" I was taken back for a second and replied, "Yes, but if you tell me the truth and admit you did wrong, the grounding may not be as bad." He did not understand my concept and looked at me with squinting eyes. Like, what? Later, when he became a father, I believe he got it.
In my own case, my father and mother divorced when I eight years old. My mother had to work to support us both. She was not very educated so her job was minimum wage. She did everything a caring mother could do to provide a descent home, food and clothing. Sometimes the places we lived would NOT be my pick, but that was all she could do. She was a very loving mother, but never asked me about how I felt about things, or what my likes and dislikes were. In other words we never REALLY had a heart-to-heart talk. She was always very critical about my father, and expressed it every time I saw her. My father, wanted to have a relationship with me but in his time frame. We spoke but never (again) no heart-to-heart talks. As I got older, I would visit them, on a limited basis, out of still wanting those talks and respect.
I try VERY hard not to become my parents in that respect, to our children. Even tho sometimes I think I reverted back somewhat. Parents have to be a teacher, but not the bullie on the playground. And sometimes that can be tricky, and difficult.
Believe me, I am not a Dr. Spook on child rearing or relationships with your parents or children, but I truly believe love along with understanding and listening MUST be big parts of both. Just watch the expression on another person's face when they know you are truly listening to what they are saying, not just being polite with a blank look. Eye to eye contact is a must and not thinking, "I wish he/she would quit talk so I can go to lunch." HEAR them and comprehend what they are try to convey to you. It really is not that hard to do, and who knows, you may learn something you did not know.
What to comment? Give your story, please do. Take care. Happy Valentine's Day!
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